One immediately related the film with Jaane Tu… Ya Jaane Na, for its core character similarities. In both, the male protagonist is meek (at first) and the woman the dominant, wilder one. And in both, the film bends unforgivably towards the conventional.

Profile: Maan Gaye Mallika Sherawat | Preview: Ugly Aur Pagli

UAP starts proudly with shots of unlikely couples (gay, of differing age groups, of differing sizes and shapes, etc.) who are supposed to warm us with their bonding, but all you see is the clumsiness of this 'lifted' scene.

On to the story then; you brace yourself. Ranvir’s Kabir is adorably timid, what most like to term a “sweet boy”. The reason we are supposed to believe was his parents dressing him in girls’ clothing when he was a protesting baby. Otherwise, we are to assume, it’s impossible for a man to be mild-natured at all.

A chance encounter with a drunk Kuhu (Mallika) leads to him taking care of her through the night. This happens again. Love blossoms, but not after the film’s tagline of 99 slaps is squeezed dry. And the girlfriend’s rather odd demands are dutifully met with (if not, yes… a slap).

He is a fourth-time-fail engineering student who still gets spanked by his mother. She does nothing concrete except write silly scripts (where the director humours himself visualising them onscreen). Forget the story, which you’ve seen a million times anyway.

The characters are interesting enough. Kuhu is not normal or tolerable by any standards. She barks orders, drinks to vomit all over unsuspecting passengers, and slaps a guy who meant to do her good. Her flightiness is not explained.

Still you laud the slightly imaginative perception of a central female protagonist in a Hindi film—one who even snores loudly. Bas, that’s it.

Post interval, she goes to see a ladka after spending a year in Kolkata—dressed traditionally, her wild hair straightened. She's very, very quiet at the table when meeting the young interested chap. She has even given up drinking. You’re left blinking. Rest I leave for you to discover... if you must.

The scenes I am about to mention, I wouldn’t call weak links, just bizarre staccatos that appear without warning or purpose. The awkward tribute to the film Chameli (by the same producers), something about a jilted lover about to commit suicide, the harrowed producer surrounded by 'original’ film DVDs. The humour has few, very few clever liners; else we are expected to laugh at a fart joke where the farter lovingly names it 'De Boo’; lots of puke jokes; even the done-to-death on on blowing into another’s handkerchief gag.

About the only scene I really liked was the grumbling Kabir going against a stream of people, getting jolted, and turning around to join the crowd, symbolic of it being easier to be a follower. And Ranvir does well. He brings about the desired vulnerability to his good-hearted character who’s a dominated mama’s boy and yet finds a girlfriend equally feisty.

Mallika is great as the firebrand. Their contrasting screen personas work well whether they are atop a terrace eating from steel tiffins or on scary joy-rides. Cameos by Bharati Achrekar and Sushmita Mukherjee are fun.

The technical aspect is strong with impressive camera work by Somak Mukherjee (Black and White) and sync sound designing by Rishi Oberoi (Tashan, Salaam Namaste).

Editing by Hemal Kothari (Love Story 2050, Pyaar Ke Side Effects) is perhaps meant to keep the pace languorous, but the film ends up excruciatingly long and slow at times. The narrative was punctured with way too many songs, only a couple of which were enjoyable.

Ugly Aur Pagli clearly means to seek the same audience that made PNC’s Pyaar Ke Side Effects a multiplex hit and, therefore, employs many of its strategies. But a formula still remains just that, and it comes with no guarantee.

Verdict: 2 stars